


The Miseducation of Steve Rogers

by luckywitch



Series: Happiness is a Warm Taser [5]
Category: Marvel (Movies), Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Banter, Disney, Friendship, Gen, Gen Fic, Humor, Minor Clint Barton/Darcy Lewis, Minor Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Pixar, Self-Defense, Spa Day, Swearing, Texting, Threat of Kidnapping to Minor Character, pop culture references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-26
Updated: 2012-03-26
Packaged: 2017-11-02 13:26:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/369460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luckywitch/pseuds/luckywitch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Let me get this straight, you want me to go to a spa treatment with Steve? What’s the catch and why aren’t you going to be there to ogle Captain Amerihunk?” Even if there is a catch, Darcy has mentally said yes, because a free spa day does sound nice. Plus, Steve is awesome and a semi-nude Steve sounds even more awesome.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Miseducation of Steve Rogers

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this before All in a Day's Work, but then realized that All in a Day's Work is the next story chronologically. I paused this one and wrote that one. I'm not sure how this all came about, but yea a spa day. ;)
> 
> Still looking for a beta, if you'd like the job, please let me know. If you don't want the job but still spot an error, please let me know. 
> 
> Enjoy!

“Really, it will be wonderful and fabulous and horribly expensive and free, did I mention that part? Free! I’d be doing you and your pores a favor,” Tony finishes saying with a flourish.

“Hey! You leave my pores out of this, you crazy metro man,” Darcy replies offended. Not everyone could afford the pricey creams that Tony could, even if he won’t admit to using them. Here she was sitting at her desk, minding her own business, doing her work and maybe watching YouTube videos about octopuses when Tony ambushed her with his request.

“Your pores are lovely and cute and small, just like you. Will you go?” Tony asks, his voice taking on a whining quality on the word go.

“Let me get this straight, you want me to go to a spa treatment with Steve? What’s the catch and why aren’t you going to be there to ogle Captain Amerihunk?” Even if there is a catch, Darcy has mentally said yes, because a free spa day does sound nice. Plus, Steve is awesome and a semi-nude Steve sounds even more awesome.

“Yes, I do. There isn’t one.  I planned this spa day on a spur of the moment whim three days ago. Thought it would be nice to treat Steve to a little rest and relaxation, y’know? Plus, Steve and a sauna, how can it possibly go wrong? Except, I promised Pep, I would go to this board meeting, since I’m doing the responsible thing more often now. I’m trying to keep my promise to her and still have Steve enjoy a day off because he’s earned it and he’s already made all the necessary arrangements of leaving the mansion for a night. Letting him still have his day, even if I’m not there, seems like the adult thing to do and as I’m told constantly, I am an adult.'

“Besides, Pep said if I didn’t go to this meeting that bodily harm would be threatened such as, but not limited to: shaving my head, punching me in the face, and kicking me in the balls. Not that I think Pepper would do that to me, she’s too nice. She’s wonderful, isn’t she? But she would be disappointed, and she’d make that frownie face with that one forehead wrinkle I’ve caused. That’s worse than the bodily harm, almost. I know she wouldn’t do it, but I know Natasha would love to do any of the above and has maybe thought of even worse ways to physically humiliate me—not that I’m not capable of doing that myself—with her Russian spy knowhow."

“As for the ogling, you could always send me pictures,” he sing-songs.

“Ahhh, there’s the catch,” Darcy replies as she thinks it over, “Well, you’ve got yourself a deal Tony.”

“Yes, I knew you would Darcy baby,” Tony says as he pumps his fist in the air.

“Why does this feel like I’ve made a deal with the devil?” she laments.

Tony leans in claps a hand on her shoulder, “Just think of it this way…You’re the only one I trust to not corrupt all the corrupting I’ve done already on Steve.”

‘This is all going to go horribly wrong,’ Darcy reflects.

“I’ll have JARVIS send you the details,” is his cheerful parting shot, as he walks off to whatever crater from Hell he came up from.

‘Horribly, horribly wrong.’

 

* * *

> From: JARVIS@starkindustries.com  
>  To: darcylewisandthenews@gmail.com  
>  Subject:  Itinerary for your upcoming trip
> 
>  
> 
> Hello Miss Darcy,
> 
> Here are the particulars of your upcoming vacation with Master Steve.
> 
> Friday Evening  
>  7:00 – Arrive at Avengers Mansion  
>  7:05 – Rendezvous with Steve  
>  7:10 – Depart for Destination  
>  7:30 – Arrive at Destination  
>  7:35 – Check into Resort  
>   
>  Dinner will be held at your discretion in one of the dining rooms (open until 12:00 am) or room service (24 hours).
> 
> Saturday  
>  Breakfast is served in the restaurants, beginning at 7 am.  
>  10:30 am – Check into Spa  
>  11:00 – First Treatment  
>  12:00 pm –Lunch  
>  1:00 – Second Treatment  
>  2:00 – Couples Massage  
>   
>  Checkout is by 5:00 pm at the latest.
> 
>  
> 
> JARVIS

 

* * *

 

Darcy’s opinion hasn’t changed of this whole affair, but she might as well get a free facial out of it.

She arrives at the mansion at 6:55 with her travel bag in hand, when JARVIS lets her in.

“Hey JARVIS! Is Steve ready yet?” she asks.

“Not yet Miss Darcy, should I let him know that you have arrived?”

“Sure,” she responds, walking further into the foyer, “It’s so quiet in here. Where is everybody anyway?”

“Master Stark and Ms. Romanoff left for California this morning; Dr. Banner is in the green house; Thor is in the pool; and Mr. Barton is currently hanging upside down behind you.”

Darcy hears, “Aw man, you’re no fun Jarvis” and turns around in time to see Clint flip down and land.

“JARVIS, you are continually the best,” she comments to the AI and focuses back on the man in front of her. “What the hell were you doing?

“I was bored and it’s not like I was intentionally trying to sneak up on you, you just have good timing,” he shrugs as he walks into the kitchen and grabs a water bottle.

Darcy follows and snags a Dr. Pepper, since the mansion’s fridge is a marvelous contraption filled with everything you could ever want.

“What brings you by? Have paperwork you have to hand out?” he questions sarcastically as he raises his left eyebrow.

“Don’t tempt me, Barton. Richie Rich decided that Captain American Wet Dream and I should live the life of the rich and fabulous for a day, and be pampered in accordance to the manner in which we are accustomed too. AKA, Tony is as subtle as a brick and planned a little weekend getaway for him and Steve. Except, he forgot about the big, important meeting he had with Pepper, and instead of canceling on Steve, asked me to fill in instead.”

Clint’s face darkens for a second before he puts on a playful pout. “And he couldn’t have asked me instead? Nobody puts baby in the corner!” he huffs out.

Rolling her eyes she replies, “Yea, yea. I’m sure you were next on the list, dirty dancer. Have any big plans this weekend?”

“Normally, it’s training with Tasha or Steve or Thor and defeating whatever monster of the week. I guess this means I’ll have to resort to my true nature as a jet-setting socialite.”

“Translation, Call of Duty marathon,” Darcy says, trying hard not to think about what a Clint and Natasha training session entails. She knows that it’s not a euphemism for sex, and if it was, she’d be paying good money to see the ones with Steve and Thor.

“I’ll have you know that I’ve been expanding my cultural horizons,” he retorts in a pseudo hurt voice.

“Oh, you’ve been reading the articles that come along with pictures in Playboy, good for you. I knew if we gave you the right incentive, we’d get you to an eighth-grade reading level in no time!”

At that moment, Steve enters the kitchen holding his backpack and asks “Hey Darcy, are you ready to go?”

“Yea, I’m all set. Let’s get this show on the road.” She turns to Clint, “Bye Barton, just remember to keep sounding out the letters!”

He doesn’t miss a beat, walking with them, “Buy me something pretty!”

“Where do you think I’m going, Paris?”

“I know Natasha brought you something back.”

“I’ll never tell!”  With that parting shot, Darcy closes the door and hops into the car.

As Happy starts pulling away from the mansion, Darcy leans back and kicks her feet up.

“You ready for our sleepover?” she asks excitedly.

“I guess, but this all seems a bit extravagant.”

“Well, you know Tony.”

“Yea…” Steve says not looking convinced.

Darcy shifts, placing her hand on his arm and says, “This is just Tony’s way of showing that he cares. I know it can be much, but he really thought you deserved a little vacation and some pampering. Maybe one day, we’ll get him to a regular level of showing affection, but for now, they’re large gestures. Besides, I’m starting to think that you Avengers could use more time hanging out with ‘normal’ people anyway. Let’s just call it research for your cultural assimilation.”

“Cultural assimilation, huh? I like the sound of that,” he responds, smiling for the first time on the car ride.

She gives his arm one last squeeze, before changing topics, “Now how do you feel about…”

 

* * *

 

In no time at all they’re checked in and on their way to the suite. Darcy enters the room first, Steve too busy looking at the pamphlet he picked up in the lobby, when she drops her bag in the hallway to rush to the window. Their suite has a picture perfect view of the Statue of Liberty, and there is even a telescope already set up.

“Holy shit!” she exclaims gazing upon the lights twinkling in the distance and the boats cruising past.

Steve lets out a quiet, “wow,” when he enters the room, joining Darcy by the window.

“Leapin’ lizards, Daddy Warbucks has done it again,” she says her attention elsewhere now. “Let’s go check out the rest of the room!”

The living room is a nice size, with a spacious couch that could easily fit eight people. There’s a little desk for work, and a dining table off to the side. The room is decorated in warm champagne colors, soft fabrics, and a plush carpet. The doorway on the right leads to the bedroom, with a large king size bed, the same expansive view, and a big screen tv.

When Darcy sees the bed, she speeds up her pace and throws herself on the bed squealing, bouncing as she lands.

Steve chuckles at her antics and sets his bag in the closet.

“This bed is bigger than my apartment!” she states. Steve gives her an incredulous looks, because he’s seen her place before.

“Ok, not really. This room is crazy though,” Darcy says spotting a brochure on the nightstand. “Ooo, a menu, I’m starving! That ok with you if we order up?”

“That sounds good.”

Darcy peruses the menu before deciding and handing it over to Steve. Minutes later they’re ordering a grilled chicken sandwich with fries for Darcy and a field greens organic salad and burger for Steve, who mentions something about having eaten earlier. Darcy adds in the two pints of Haagen Daz ice cream at the end as an impulse buy and can already tell it was a good decision.

“It’s going to be here in about 30 minutes. In the meantime, I’m going to take a shower. Do you need the bathroom?” she asks.

Steve waves her off saying he’s fine, sits on the bed turning on the tv, and stares out the window.

Darcy grabs her stuff from the hallway and enters the bathroom with the same champagne color palate. It’s overlooking the water as well, and is there any room in this suite that doesn’t have a view? They’re a large soaking tub that looks similar to a twin bed and walk in shower. She grabs her iPod and sets up the speakers picking the ‘Big Spender in the Big City’ playlist and gets into the shower.

Twenty minutes later she’s exiting the bathroom with damp hair that slightly soaking her long sleeved waffle shirt, her sweat pants sitting comfortably on her hips. Darcy finds Steve sketching on the bed and goes over and joins him.

Steve breaks his concentration, looking a bit startled at seeing her on the bed, but shakes his head and smiles. “Couldn’t help myself,” he grins sheepishly, tilting his sketchpad towards her.

“Wow,” she comments looking at the sketch of the Statue of Liberty shaded with the various lights beaming upon it. “This is awesome Steve. Like really good.”

“Thanks. I like to draw.”

“Have you been to any of the museums yet? I bet you would love the Met or MoMA.”

“No, I haven’t been. It’s not in S.H.I.E.L.D.’s curriculum.”

"What is S.H.I.E.L.D. teaching you then?”

"Well, about that, we’ve covered up to 60’s, but with training or an emergency, and occasionally Tony pulling me out of sessions…”

“You’re playing hooky with Tony?”

“Not exactly. They’re more of your cultural assimilations, like you said…” he responds, not really buying it.

“Ok, we’re immediately rectifying this situation we can rediscover New York together. How about I come over and I can teach you about history and not from Tony’s helicopter.”

“The city is really pretty at night from up in the air.”

“C’mon! In the helicopter. Rogers, I am disappointed that you gave in so easily to Tony.”

“But you know how he gets when he’s bored. Sometimes I think he’s worse than Dr. Doom.”

“True,” she says thinking it over. “I’ll go draw something up with your S.H.I.E.L.D. tutor and get him back in the basement, forging the Constitution or whatever he does, and we’ll have JARVIS distract Tony and yea, it will be cool.”

“Are you sure?”

“Definitely, can’t have you missing out on the vitals,” she replies winking.

“Thanks, Darcy.”

“No problem. And, oo, that sounds like room service!”

After the food is passed out and they’re both sitting on the bed with it in their laps, Darcy grabs the remote to find a movie since Steve left it on the _Fashion Police_.

‘What is it with these people and E!?’ she thinks. Heading to the pay to order movies, she quickly searches through the movies until one pops out.

“Lesson one,” she says dunking a fry in some ketchup, “is all about modern movies. We’re going to stick with the happy side right now, but first up, a short look at Disney.”

She takes a bite before continuing, “Walt Disney is famous for its animated fairy tales like Snow White, Cinderella, and Sleeping Beauty and his anthropomorphized original characters: Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck and Goofy. Besides being well known for their family movies, there are also a couple of theme parks that have rides and all the characters. I’m sure if you asked Tony, he’d take ya.” She grins. “Anyway, I know Disney had some works in the late ‘30s and a bit before that. Still, that’s gives you a quick look at the history of it and we’re going to start out with… _Beauty and the Beast_! It’s super gorgeous, and I know you’ve watched cartoons with the Hulk and all, but this is so much better than those.”

Steve nods, figuring it easier to keep his mouth shut and go with the flow, while Darcy hits play. They both resume digging into their meals.

It doesn’t take long before Steve has his full attention on the movie. Darcy sings along to all the songs trying to make sure she’s lip syncing and not ruining the movie for Steve, but she can’t help but belt out, “Roughly the size of a barge!”

When the movie ends, Steve applauds and Darcy eyes are a bit damp but she covers it up by cleaning up her dishes.

“That was great Darcy,” he grins, looking young.

“Well, if you liked that, then I’m sure you’re going to love Pixar!”

They break into the ice cream and _Toy Story_ and by _Toy Story 2_ ; Darcy’s pint is three-quarters gone. She’s places the pint on the bedside table, scooting the covers aside and burrows underneath. Feeling full and comfortable, she falls asleep during the movie.

 

* * *

 

The next morning, she wakes up to roll over when she spots Steve doing sit ups in the living room. She squints over at the clock, which is too far with tiny numbers, before reaching for her glasses—that she doesn’t remember taking off—and sees it’s six in the morning.

“Oh my god, why are you up?” she whines in a sleep filled voice.

Steve stops and smiles, “I’m exercising. Now go back to bed, I’ll wake you up at 9:30 for breakfast.”

“Mmkay,” she responds, already falling back asleep.

A couple hours later, a voice calls her name. She turns over throwing the covers over her head, but it’s no use. They’re not shutting up any time soon and she inevitably wakes up.

“Mornin’ Darcy,” Steve chirps.

She shoots him a glare and shuffles to the bathroom. Fifteen minutes later she’s dressed and ready for breakfast.

“Hey Steve,” she says walking to the coffee maker. She pours herself a cup, fixing it up, and it’s hot and strong. After a couple of rejuvenating sips, “Thanks for this, you’re a lifesaver.”

 “It’s no problem. It’s a habit I’ve gotten into at the mansion. You don’t want to see Tony without coffee or Bruce without tea in the mornings.”

“Oh? How bad is it?”

“Tony started designing a new engine prototype in the kitchen use parts from the different appliances and Bruce thinks out loud, going from point a to point f and using his arm as a notepad.”

She laughs since she’s witnessed Bruce with writing up and down his arms, almost mistaking them for tattoos one day. “How about the rest?”

“Thor is cheerful and is enthusiastic about every meal, as I’m sure you know. Clint is fine when he’s eating, but it’s after that short time has passed that he starts up with his antics.”

She snorts at the thought of Clint wolfing down his food and then trying to steal a sausage off of Thor’s plate or throwing fruit into Tony’s meal. “And Natasha?”

“Is Natasha. She shows up to breakfast fully alert and ready for anything.”

“Freaky,” jokes Darcy, “I need to learn her secret of bamfness.”

“Bamfness?”

“Oh right! Bad ass mother—how about we go get breakfast instead? I’m starving. You ready to go?” and gives the living room one last glance over and notices the blanket on the couch.

“I could eat a little more,” he replies.

“Good,” she grabs him by the arm and leads him out the door. “You know you didn’t have to sleep on the couch. There was plenty of room in the bed, but I bet it’s a super fancy couch and was really nice.”

Steve’s cheeks blush and he answers, “It was very comfortable. Plus, by the end of the movie you had claimed the whole bed.”

Now it’s Darcy’s turn to look a sheepish, “Oops, sorry!”

“Don’t worry about it, besides with how loud you were snoring, the couch was much better,” he teases.

She nudges him in the arm as they head downstairs to breakfast, “I do not snore and I’ll thank you to keep your dirty lies to yourself!”

 

* * *

 

When they check into the spa, which has some bubbling brooks playing in the background—Darcy doesn’t know how the people that work here don’t have to go to the bathroom every five minutes—they’re provided with two white robes and are pointed to the locker rooms.

Darcy and Steve meet up by the indoor poor, which overlooks the Statue of Liberty as well and wait to be called into their treatments.

“Hey Steve,” Darcy says whipping out her phone, “Go stand by the window there so I can take a picture of you to send to Tony.”

Steve looks questioningly at her, and she hates the fact that he can express so much in just a look.

“C’mon, it will show him how much fun you’re having,” she replies not mentioning the fact that she’s also doing it to torment Tony, even though he asked for this kind of punishment. She’s not going to pimp Steve out though.

He sighs, but does as she asks and in seconds she has a picture and is typing out a text message to Tony.

> **_10:41 am:_ ** _Wish you were here!  
>  [file attachment]  
>  p.s. The masseuse said that we’re going to be practicing massage techniques on each other!_

She hits send.

It’s no surprise that Tony responds immediately.

> **_10:43 am:_ ** _Ms. Lewis, you’re trying to seduce me aren’t you?_  
>  **10:43 am:** p.s. Not fair  
>  **10:44 am:** p.p.s. Do you think I could argue that this is cruel and unusual punishment?  
>  **10:45 am:** Of course I could  
>  **10:46 am:** I expect updates!  
>  **10:46 am:** Oh god, Pep is giving me the frownie face. Got to go 

Darcy laughs at the barrage of messages and says to Steve, “He wishes us a good time and I think he’s bored out of his mind at the meeting.”

They spend the next few minutes talking about various things and Darcy is excited about the prospect of teaching Steve—Captain America—about the modern world. She may not be the most qualified person to teach him, but she knows her stuff and at least she’s better than Tony.

Darcy gets called into her facial appointment, which makes her roll her eyes and see if she can goad Natasha into helping her replace all of Tony’s skin creams with olive oil, and Steve is called to do whatever manly spa treatment he has.

The facial is actually pretty wonderful and the specialist complements her skin care regimen. Darcy knew her pores were small and she’s from the southwest so she knows how to use sunscreen. She stills imagines pranking Tony during the entire process, though.

 

* * *

 

Darcy finds Steve already sitting at a table when she leaves her treatment.

“You smell good!” she comments.

“Thanks,” Steve gives her a distracted smile, “They rubbed this mud all over me. Seems counter intuitive to clean your body with mud? If I would have known that this was a…” he gestures to his body before continuing, “a thing, I would have been really clean when we fought Plantman a couple of weeks ago.”

“Yea, well, we’re relearning that nature is pretty awesome and to listen to the colors of the wind and all,” she shrugs. “Now what’s for lunch?”

It’s a pretty simple yet tasty lunch of fruits and chicken salad. They’re sitting back and drinking some of their cucumber infused water when they’re called to their next treatment, manicures.

Darcy laughs and wonders, ‘I wonder if I could convince Steve to get glitter nail polish?’

 

* * *

 

Darcy picks out a glossy burgundy polish, while Steve says no to glitter polish and black nail polish and goes with clear.

The manicurist is finishing up on Darcy’s left hand when they first realize something is amiss. There’s shouting coming from another room and the sound of crashing furniture. The manicurists give each other questioning looks and this doesn’t sound like a dissatisfied customer.

That’s when they hear a small explosion in the hallway.

Steve rushes to the door and opens it carefully, peeking out in the hallway. It’s hard to tell if there is any real damage since the entire corridor is filled with an opaque grey smoke.

“Darcy, I’m going to need you to stay here. Do you still have your phone on you?”

“Yea,” she replies as she pulls out her phone.

“Ok, call S.H.I.E.L.D. and apprise them of the situation and our location. I’m going to see what’s going on.”

“Be careful Steve!” she calls out before pressing her speed dial for S.H.I.E.L.D.

“Hey Agent Coulson! So we, uhm, have a little situation here.”

“What is it Ms. Lewis?” he asks exasperated over the phone as if his life will never be free of the Avengers and this will be another Tony stuck in the pipe incident. ‘Maybe I can talk Tony into gifting Coulson with a spa day,’ she thinks for split second before explaining the situation.

“So, I’m with Steve and we’re currently out, when we heard some loud shouting and furniture being knocked around. Then, there was a small explosion and the hallway is filled with smoke. I’m not sure what’s going on but Steve told me to call and tell you the deal, because I’m pretty sure this isn’t someone who is pissed and looking for a refund.”

“What is your location?” he asks, serious and professional.

Darcy rattles of the directions and he assures her that a S.H.I.E.L.D. team will be there in ten minutes. Putting her phone away, she looks out into the hallway and it’s still too smoky to see anything.

She turns to her manicurist, Emily, and asks, “So the authorities will be here in a few minutes, but do you know how I can get rid of this smoke so I can help my friend out there? Are there any fans or will the ac do the trick?”

“There’s the ac, that should do it, but it’s in the main office.”

“Where’s that at?”

“This hallway is an L-shape,” mimicking the letter with her fingers.  “We’re at the end of it,” pointing to the tip of her thumb, “If you exit left and follow it about two doors, it will lead you into the main hallway. It should be three doors down on the left, and either way, it’s the last door before you enter the pool area. The thermostat will be on the right wall a couple of feet away from the door.”

“Thanks. Make sure to do whatever you have to and keep this door closed. Don’t come out unless a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent tells you to,” Darcy states. Looking around she grabs a squeeze bottle filled with nail polish remover and heads to the door.

“Woah, you’re really good with this sorta thing” the other nail technical exclaims.

Darcy gives a wry laugh. “It’s kind of my job,” she responds before exiting.

She drops to the floor and pulls her robe up around her mouth. Using one hand against the wall as a guide, she crawls left, counting two doors. She makes sure to listen carefully for any type of noise but right now it’s quiet. The person shouting from before has either left this area or stopped shouting.

She feels the joint in the wall and turns right to head to the main office. The lights are still on, but with the dense smoke, it’s like being blinded by an angry storm cloud. Steadily crawling to the third door, Darcy reaches her destination and reaches up for the door handle. Slowly turning the knob, until the latch is completely free of its home in the doorway, before she pushes it open and crawls inside. Darcy closes the door behind her without a sound and stands up.

There is no one in the room, but some of the outside smoke has seeped in from the doorway or air vents, giving the room a rather hazy appearance. Looking to her right, she spots the thermostat easily and turns on the air, taking it off auto. A minute later the air pumps out of the vent and moves the smoke around. It hasn’t entirely dissipated but the room becomes less hazy and clearer.

She cracks the door open to check on smoke clearing progress in the hallway. The smoke is dispersing, but not fast enough that she is able to see to the back wall of the pool, only until the edge of where it begins.

Darcy hears distant voices and strains to catch if it is from a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, Steve, or whoever is behind this commotion. The voice is male, which could be any of them; cussing angrily, which counts out Steve; and mentions grabbing the target and heading back to the their boss, which means it’s the idiots behind this mess.

She hurries and shuts the door. Locking it and sliding a nearby chair underneath the door handle. Darcy checks her phone and S.H.I.E.L.D. should be here any minute now.

The voices outside are definitely getting louder and now she can hear Steve in the fray.

Inside the office it is practically clear now, but it wasn’t as occupied as the pool and hallway were. Darcy hates waiting there in the office, but it’s a better idea to keep herself out of the mess than to get herself accidentally captured or injured. She wishes she could provide more support to Steve by making the smog clear out or letting him know how many infiltrators there are.

She sits behind the desk on the other side of the room to check her phone again and maybe text someone to alleviate her worries, when one of the bad guys gets thrown through the door, knocking the chair over and spraying bits of wall debris with him.

Darcy hops up and yells, surprised and clueless as to how the guy was thrown through the door at that angle.

The henchman a bit dazed starts to sit up when he notices Darcy. He quickly reaches over to a scabbard on his thigh, drawing out a knife, when she squeezes her bottle of nail polish remover straight onto his face.

He starts screaming in pain, wiping at his eyes, as he spits all over the floor trying to remove the chemical from his mouth.

Thankfully, Darcy works at a place where screaming is the international sign for “Get Your-Ass-Over-Here.” Clint quickly rushes in, takes in the scene and smirks.

“What did you do to him? Don’t tell me you have your taser on you, Shock Tart.” He asks, giving her the once over.

Darcy looks down at her askew robe and straightens it out, thanking Mighty Aphrodite that’s she didn’t go au natural in it. “Nail polish remover to the face, and what are you doing here anyway?”

“Coulson called and said you and Steve had run into some difficulties and figured it might be good to have the Avengers nearby. It did interrupt that charity gala I was at, but one must make sacrifices,” he responds, apprehending the bad guy who is no mood to resist arrest.

She lets out a little snort, “I hope we didn’t interrupt you getting a high score on Angry Birds.”

“Nah, we had to ban that game once the Hulk decided to smash everything pig shaped.”

Darcy laughs and follows him out the door to see what damage has been done and all the smoke has been cleared thanks either to the air conditioner or the magic of S.H.I.E.L.D. technology. ‘Or a window,’ she thinks.

“You ok though?” Clint asks seriously.

She thinks the experience over. The guy didn’t lay a hand on her, and she’s been around more weapons than that knife he had, just having lunch with Natasha. She was anxious, but she kept her cool and tried to stay out of the way.

“Yea, yea, I’m fine,” she says brushing some of the debris off of herself, which is when she looks at her left hand. “That asshole ruined my manicure!” she exclaims to whole room of agents and rounded up intruders.

Coulson looks up at her and shakes his head, going back to where his attention is needed. Clint barks out a laugh, taking the infiltrator and putting him in the cell with the others.

She finds Steve giving his report to agent, near a circular piece of wood that looks identical to the table top where they had lunch on.

When he finishes his tale, he walks over to her and smiles.

“So what did these guys want,” she questions.

“They were planning to kidnap a wealthy business investor that is staying at this hotel and was booked for a spa treatment today. Luckily for Mr. Connor, he was not where he was supposed to be and his security detail rushed him out of here as soon as they realized something was wrong.”

“Ah, ok then. That would explain for the ninja theatrics and rush.”

“Yes,” he chirps. Steve looks down at his battered robe and sighs, “I don’t think this I going last till the end of the day.”

Darcy takes in the ripped robe and the smudges of dirt he’s managed to accumulate and laughs. “Just think, you’re making yourself cleaner, really!”

This gets a chuckle from Steve and she whips out her phone to take a picture.

“Now, I’m going to tell Tony about what a great day we had!”

> **_1:35 pm:_ ** _Things got a little rough, what can I say, Steve can’t help getting dirty.  
>  [file attachment]  
>  ;)_

 

* * *

 

Steve and Darcy decide to call it a day after the attempted kidnapping incident. Not like the spa could actually operate at the moment with all the agents swarming around.

They grab their belongings and manage to hitch a ride with S.H.I.E.L.D. back to the Avengers Mansion.

When they arrive, Darcy catches a N64 and the GoldenEye menu screen on the television and raises an eyebrow at Clint. He shrugs, clearly caught.

“Miss Darcy, Tony has been very persistent in wondering why you have not yet answered him,” JARVIS states.

“Oops,” Darcy says plopping down on the couch. She reaches into backpack to pull out her phone and sees several missed text messages.

> **_1:36 pm:_ ** _Not fair_  
>  **1:37 pm:** Do you think if I showed these to Pep, she’d be more sympathetic to my plight?  
>  **1:37 pm:** Nahhh  
>  **1:38 pm:** You should send me more  
>  **1:39 pm:** I’m on my best behavior and everything!  
>  **1:40 pm:** Ok, that’s a lie 

Darcy skips through the rest, not wanting to read Tony arguing with himself via text message.

“Could you tell him that we foiled a kidnapping plot and some dirt bag screwed up my manicure in the process? Oh, and we’re fine.”

“Sent. Might I suggest that Dummy fix the area? He is rather proficient at painting and we are able to match any color,” JARVIS adds.

Darcy is beyond curious to see how this will pan out and agrees instantly.

 

* * *

 

This is how Darcy finds herself getting her nail done by a robot watching _Toy Story 3_ with Steve, Clint, Thor and Bruce.

She busies herself with Dummy’s progress during the beginning montage and she swears she hears Bruce sniff.

Twenty minutes later her nails are finished and dry; Dummy had used some sort of paint drying accelerant. They’re that rich burgundy color she had picked out earlier and flawlessly painted. She gives the robot a little pat on the head and goes back to watching the film.

By the end of the movie Thor is calling it a true act of kinsman ship and bravery, Bruce is blowing his nose loudly and sounds like a goose honking, Clint is clutching an arrow tightly as if someone were about to take it away, and Steve’s eyes look glassy.

Darcy wipes away some tears before merrily saying, “And that is your introduction to Pixar, Steve.”

 

* * *

 

> **_7:07 pm:_ ** _Pepper confiscated my phone earlier_  
>  **7:08 pm:** But good job on fighting the bad guys?!  
>  **7:08 pm:** I’ll make to make it up to you  
>  **7:09 pm:** No evil plots. Promise!  
>  **7:09 pm:** Scouts honor  
>  **7:09 pm:** Ok, so I wasn’t a scout  
>  **7:10 pm:** But a Tony Stark guarantee  
>  **7:11 pm:** Those are famous, don’t you know  
>  **7:11 pm:** And illegal in 5 states! 


End file.
